Day 45: They Never Said That it Wouldn't be Hard!!

Wow, y'all.  It's day 45 and we just crossed over into Washington.  I'm tired and sore all day every day, but this what I want to be doing this Summer.  I talked with James on the phone last week about how hard this ride is and how I just wish that I could be with him, and he responded beautifully.  He said something along the lines of: "Hilary, I know that this is hard.  I miss you, too.  It's hard being away from each other, but just think about how close this is bringing us.  You're doing this for me, and you're doing it for my dad.  That means something, and I believe in you."  I was on the verge of tears already, and those words opened the floodgates.  I missed him, yeah, but I'm doing this ride for him, and nothing can change that.

Cali, Baby!

I planned on blogging every week, I really did.  I didn't expect how much I wouldn't want to blog once the ride started, though!  Most of the nights we didn't even have any wifi, and the nights that we did have wifi I decided to sleep instead.  Here we are, though, in California.  We rode through the desert and the mountains to get here, and finally have a rest day in San Francisco tomorrow.

The Texas 4000 Sierra route has planned mail drops so that our friends and family can send us letters and packages along the way.  I didn't make that big of a stink about it before we left, because I didn't realize just how much I would want to receive mail until the first few drops when I didn't receive anything.  I started to miss my friends and family, so I sent out an email to my immediate family telling them just how much I missed them and how much I wanted them to send me something. My sister, Anna, had already packaged and sent me the sweetest letter, James had begun sending me regular letters to our mail drops, and my parents sent me perhaps the most surprising and exciting package of them all.

I opened a small package from my Mom and Dad and smarties and blowpops fell out.  I didn't even bother to read the note inside for a few minutes, because I was too busy basking in my new-found bounty.  However, once I read the note, I realized why my mom had seemed so excited about it.  They're going to visit me in Vancouver in just a few weeks!  I got so so so excited, called them immediately, and let them know just how utterly and completely pumped I am about seeing them.  Now I have something to look for all the time!  In just over a week, James is visiting me in Redwood National Park.  A couple of weeks later I'm going to see my Aunt and Uncle in Seattle.  Just after that I'll see my parents in Vancouver, and then it's just a couple more weeks until the end of the ride!  This summer is going to fly right on by, and I'm so excited about trying to savor every minute.

9 Days (A recap of the last ninety days)

This is really happening.  In nine days Texas 4000 leaves to ride our bicycles to Anchorage, Alaska.  What?!?!  I've spent so long getting ready for this ride, and now it is really sneaking up on me.  I know that it has been a long time since my last post, so I'll update with everything that has happened these past ninety days.

Walking across the stage, giving credit to the love and support of my family

I've worked hard on my academics and it has paid off.  Last weekend I walked (danced, pumped my arms, cheered) my way across the stage at the University of Texas Psychology commencement ceremony.  I did it.  All those days that I didn't write a blog entry?  I was probably stressing out about a paper or a test or a project that was due soon but that I did not want to begin.  I procrastinated and cried my way through my two years at UT, never fully believing that I really would finish.  I didn't believe in myself, and yet here I am.  I have my undergraduate degree, and now I leave for Alaska in nine days.

I packed up my house, and moved it all out to Iraan, TX where I will live after James and I get married.  We are getting married in 103 days and, while it is a huge commitment and I get overwhelmed some times when I think about it, I know that it will be one of the best days of my life.  Every day with James makes me happy, and I do not think that I would move all the way out to a population 1,000 town that is two hours away from anything for just anyone.  I would only make that move for the love of my life, and I am so happy and blessed to have met him while we were both so young.  We are going to be such an awesome married couple, and we will be such great parent partners whenever we decide to start expanding our family.

Which reminds me, I planned a wedding!  Could you imagine finishing school, training for this bicycle ride, and planning a wedding all at the same time?  It wasn't easy and I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm just so happy marry my high school sweetheart that I wouldn't want to wait any additional time to be together.  Sure, it's a whole two weeks after we get back to Texas until the wedding, but it's not a month.

We have our final team training this week.  We call it "Camp Texas 4000," and the team rides 220 miles over the course of three days, learns how to drive a truck with a trailer attached, and we get told anything else that we need to know before we leave.  This is real, this is happening, and we leave in nine days!

100 Days (Wait, what am I doing?)

I am terrified of making commitments, especially because I am scared to make promises that I am not sure that I will be able to keep.  The first Texas 4000 meeting that I went to just about gave me a panic attack.  We're supposed to do what?  Ride bicycles for seventy days all the way from Texas to Alaska?  Don't they know that planes fly there?

I was scared that I would find a reason to quit the organization; after all, this was ludicrous!  I was scared of all that I signed up to do, from volunteering thirty hours last semester to all of the training that would be required this semester.  I was scared to let myself down, and I was scared that I would regret not going on the ride.  One year ago, Texas 4000 sent out a sign-up sheet to all of their 2013 riders to figure out when we would stand in front of our teammates and tell them "Why I Ride."  I got to the sheet after a lot of other people had already filled it out, and what I saw were a few open slots in the spring of 2013 (over a year after the sheet was passed out,) and one opening the next meeting.  I was worried that if I waited to open up to my team for over a year, that I would have time to reconsider my commitment.  Mostly, though, my thinking was that I wouldn't be able to quit after standing in front of ninety other people and told them why I rode.

So I did it.  I was the very first person on my team to stand up in front of the group and tell them.  I only knew a handful of people, but I let myself be vulnerable to a roomful of strangers that would soon turn into my best friends.  I talked about both of my grandmothers.  I talked about my high school Spanish teacher.  I talked about my uncle.  And I told them about David.  I poured open my heart to this room full of people who were all there for the same reasons that I was.  We have all been affected by cancer, and we all want to do something about it.

Planning my wedding to James has given me even more resolve to ride this summer.  I ride for the man that would have been my father-in-law.  I ride for my future children's grandfather.  I've cried when I think about our wedding day, because not everybody that we love can be there.  Cancer sucks, and I want to do something about it.

This ride is scary, of course I'm frightened!  In 100 days we're going to tell our bodies to ride every. single. day.  It's going to be hard, and we won't be the same after this summer.  I'm terrified, but even more importantly I am determined.  I am determined to wake up every morning, and kick cancer's ass.

122 Days (My Hardest Ride So Far, Followed by my First Crash)

Wow.  That was a long hiatus.  I got a text from James this evening with a question:
"Do you know what happened exactly one month ago?"  He asked.
"No?"  I answered.
"Last blog post" was his response.

Yikes.

I never intended to go this long without updating my friends and family, and yet life and other priorities have made me forget to regularly update my blog.  I went skiing for the first time, school started back up again, and I began a new project on Facebook where I will be posting a photo each day over the course of 2013.  I figure that with my graduation in May, Texas 4000 ride over the Summer, and getting married and having a honeymoon just over two weeks after I get back that it would be the ideal year to keep people updated.

Texas 4000 was a little sluggish getting me back into things after my cycling (and Christmas) break this winter.  We had a couple of weeks to relax before our commitments started back up again, but boy did they start with a bang!

Our first team ride was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my whole life.  It was only 35 or so miles, but the hills were so steep that I actually shamed myself by walking up three of them.  And then, last weekend, we had a 40-ish mile ride past McKinney Falls State Park, which would have been beautiful, except it was misty all morning.  We got wet, the roads got slick, and throughout the course of the morning at least eight people crashed in the same spot on the ride but at different times.  Goody, my first road rash.  I honestly felt fine after my fall for about seven of the last thirteen miles, but when I got home I let myself cry in the shower as I let go of the adrenaline that pumped me through the morning.  My leg is healing well, but I still wake up whenever I try to turn onto the left side of my body.  The first night after my crash I started to have a dream that I was cycling in the rain, and I felt myself lose control of the rear wheel and slide out. . . I jolted awake and willed myself to dream of bunnies and puppies after that.

I was hoping to go with some of my teammates on a ride tomorrow morning, but I think that I will let my leg heal a little more first.  I know that it is likely that I will fall and get injured over the summer and won't have a choice but to ride, but for now I am going to coddle myself and nurse my first real T4K injury.

153 Days (Love Has a Way of Invigorating my Soul)

Christmas is my favorite holiday.  My birthday is and always has been on the 17th of December and, as most Christmas babies will attest, this proximity to such a national holiday can either leave a bitter or a sweet taste in the mouth of the birthday experiencer.  I am happy to report that my parents have always been hyper-vigilant around the holiday season to ensure that my birthday does not get forgotten during such a big holiday season, and because of this I have always loved Christmas.  Maybe it's the double presents that I have always received within a week of each other, maybe it's the fact that James' and my first date was the day before my birthday so he has always lavished gifts on me during a week-and-a-half period, or maybe it's just the smell of pine in every home.  I love Christmas, I love the relaxation, and I am so pleased to be able to spend these past two weeks relaxing with loved ones.

Just like last week, I have been having a hard time getting motivated to hop on my bike and train for the ride.  Within minutes of my last post being published, I received a text from a 2011 Texas 4000 alumnus with suggestions for people that I could ride with during the week.  While I did not end up contacting any of them, his support and quick reaction gave me a much-needed boost to ride around the city.  My first ride was a dud; I filled up my water bottles but forgot them at home.  I had asked James to bring his bicycle to Houston, though, so I had a companion for my second ride that break!  We rode a glorious 30 miles together and, although it wasn't the farthest I've ever gone, it was one of my favorite rides so far.  Something about being around the man that I love has that effect on me; he turns normal situations into my favorite, he's able to motivate me beyond my abilities, and I'm just happier whenever I'm around him.

I'm keeping James company this week in Iraan, TX because he is on call this weekend and we wanted to spend time together while I'm not in school.  It's cold here, and there's not a whole lot to do, but I can't help but be excited that next year we will be having our own Christmas together, in this house, in Iraan.  He was able to get me on the bike to go for a short ride this afternoon, and I have a feeling that we will be doing many more rides together in the coming months and years.

165 Days (Motivation can be Hard)

Earlier this year I promised that I would write at least one blog entry per week, but sometimes life gets too busy even for this.  Every few days I would sit at my computer and think to myself, “I need to write today,” and yet each day some other task took priority over this one.  I had three exams and a paper the first week in December, and last week was the beginning of finals week (which, as most people are aware, can be fairly stressful.)  While final exams at the University of Texas don’t officially end until today, I was fortunate enough to have my last exam this past Saturday at 9AM.

Texas 4000 knows how busy students get, and understand the priority that our education takes in our lives.  To encourage us to spend more time studying and to not worry so much about our organizational commitments, they decided that our last required official team training ride would be on December 1, and our last meeting on the 6^th.  I was thinking about this fact yesterday, and I realized that I had not been on a training ride since that official one two weeks ago.  That’s two weeks that my bicycle has sat in my living room gathering dust, two weeks for my muscles to degenerate from lack of use, and two weeks to feel lost without a cause.  I brought my bicycle to Houston so that I could train on it here, but it’s incredibly difficult to find motivation to go on a 20 mile solo ride around the city.  I thrive on companionship and have been unable to wake up at a reasonable hour knowing that my ride will be alone.  It’s something that I need to work on, I know, but I don’t think that humans were designed to go on long bicycle rides alone!