213 Days (How Will I Train to Ride to Alaska While Planning a Wedding in Another City?)

I have an anxiety disorder.

I am currently seeking treatment for this disorder and am, in fact, writing this post from the waiting room at my therapist's office.  The disorder that I have is called "trichotillomania," and it is marked by the pulling-out of hair as a response to anxiety situations.  While some people jog, watch TV, bite their nails, and eat when they feel anxious . . . I play with and pull out my hair.  I'm not proud of it, and I even feel shame and anxiety admitting it "out loud" (albeit, it written form.)

I thought that it would be a brilliant idea for me to take enough classes this semester so that I would only have to take nine hours my final semester at UT.  I thought that fifteen hours on campus, three hours online, ten to twelve hours working, and weekly meetings and workouts would be no problem.  I can learn to be organized, right?  When I registered for these classes six months ago, I hadn't realized that I would be engaged throughout my Fall semester and have the need to plan a wedding.  Kudos to James for making it a surprise, because I have wanted this for so long that I didn't think that I would be surprised when he proposed to me.  Here I am, the end of October, and I finally realized that I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Rather than spit out any of the commitments that I have made, I think that I may just gnaw on them a while until they are a nice mushy texture that I can swallow.  It's going to feel overwhelming for a little while, but eventually I'll be able to accomplish what I set out to.  Planning our wedding won't be easy and I have finally realized that I need James' help to do so.  I am finally realizing the strength of my support network, and with this network and a little extra help from my therapist I think that I just might make it through this semester in one piece.

226 Days (And I Now Have A Bike)

What should I name it?  Or shall it remain nameless?

227 Days (Being Sick Tends to Put a Wrench in Things)

Texas 4000, school, volunteer, plan a wedding, train, work, hulu, sleep. . . this is how my life is prioritized right now.  The act of scheduling activities is a concept that is fairly new to me because, up until now, I have never had many activities to schedule.  While I see people around me who are able to successfully juggle multiple commitments, I feel like I am failing to give each activity the attention that it is due.  Between eighteen hours of classes, twelve hours of work, getting fit for the ride, and volunteering each week, I neglected to give myself any time to be sick.  Here I am, in the middle of my busiest day of the week, and can't stop coughing or sneezing.  I couldn't go to the optional workout this morning because I was still groggy from the nyquil, and I can't work tonight because I might get others sick as well.  It would have been nice to make some decent happy-hour tips at The Cactus, but I could look at it "glass half-full" and say that this gives me more time to study for my exam tomorrow morning.

My moment of sunshine comes when I think about the enormous amount of social and financial support I have received from friends and family while fundraising for the ride.  I am so happy to report that I am well over the minimum amount that we are required to raise and, as of five minutes ago, y'all have generously contributed $5,027.75 in the fight against cancer!  I decided to raise my goal from $6,000 to $8,000, and will continue to write letters and panhandle until all resources have been exhausted (which means that I will be raising until we hop on our bikes next June.)

Texas 4000, as you can see, is what I consider to be one of the highest priority items in my life right now.  Today I am sick, but tomorrow I get to go to Jack and Adam's to pick up my bike.  I am going to get well, jump on that bike, and ride to Alaska.

233 Days (Or How Funny I Look When I'm Trying Not To Cry)

241 Days (Or How Great It Feels To Have Good News)

If you read my last blog post then you are probably aware of how disheartening of an experience I had getting my first physical exam last Tuesday.  If you carefully read the sentence that I just wrote, you'll notice that I used the word "first" to describe the experience.  I am happy to report to you, my dear reader, that my unhappiness with Dr. List's recommendation did not sour the whole week.

We have been recruiting for the 2014 team over the past month and, with applications due this past Friday, we had one last big push to get applications in last week.  I was scheduled to table in front of the gym on campus with Gilpreet, my dear friend and teammate, and she encouraged me to make an appointment at a clinic by campus.  When I realized that I had left my cell phone at home, she generously offered to let me use hers to call and schedule the physical.  After making the appointment, Gil and I walked together to the library so that I could print off the medical history form that needed the doctor's signature and was to be due October 1.  When I searched through my bag and couldn't find my printer card, Gil loaned me hers.  Not only did I leave the insignificant printer card and my cell at home, but I also left my incredibly important ID, cash, and debit cards at home as well.  Hope was not lost, though, because I had tips at The Cactus from my shift the night before.  Gil generously offered to loan me $20 to add to my tips so that I could afford the physical.  I went to the office, and was out in 15 minutes!  I know that this will probably be the last time I compare anything related to Texas 4000 to a "spa," but it really was the most pleasant experience I have ever had in a doctor's office in my life. . . even better than when I used to get lollipops for being a good patient.

I have my suspicions that training is going to kick into high gear this week (read: bikes), so let the spa times end and life begin.  Life isn't a spa, and training for the next 241 days will be a piece of cake compared to the 70 days that will follow.