186 Days (So Thankful)

Thanksgiving is my fourth favorite holiday, right after my birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

My family likes to do Thanksgiving big.  Over the last ten years we have tried to always have guests at our table who are not from the United States so that they can experience the love that we feel, and we also like to each invite one or two friends as well.  This means that our dinners have always been an ordeal.

I have noticed in the past that my Mom gets tired of all of the sweat and blood that goes into cooking for such a large party, and thought nothing of it because I still got to eat the fruits of her labor.  She actually threatened us last year with no feast, so my sisters and I chipped in to make the dinner instead.  This year was different.  For whatever reason, my sisters and I (mostly Anna) decided to really be proactive about Thanksgiving so that Mom wouldn't feel bogged down by the end of it.  Anna and my mom prepared most of the food two days early so that there wouldn't be a kitchen frenzy on Thursday, and Erin (my oldest sister and roommate here in Austin) decided that we should all eat in a charming backyard setting.  It was magical, and maybe our best Thanksgiving yet.

Even our "thankful for" speeches were top notch.  One guest was thankful that he could finally rest after retirement, a sister was thankful for job opportunities, Mom was thankful that we could all be a family.  While I listened to the people in front of me list all that they were grateful for this past year, I realized just how amazing my year has been.  I have made some of the best friends of my life in Texas 4000, I am planning my wedding with my college sweetheart/love of my life, and I have my health.  So many thoughts went through my head at that time, and while I can't remember all of the nuances that I felt while trying to decide what to say, I do know that I decided to "officially" be thankful that I, along with most of my close friends and family, have my health.  Texas 4000 continues to expose me to the pain that people suffer as a result of cancer, and I am so grateful that I don't have to feel this pain right now.  The prevalence of cancer means that it is incredibly likely that five of the people at our table will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime, but for now we are healthy and able to sit together on my fourth favorite holiday.

194 Days (Everything Hurts)

So much training has happened these last two weekends.

November 10-11:  Training camp in Fayetteville, TX

While it is certainly true that I am learning more about cycling than I have ever known before, I think that these last two weeks have best taught me how to wake up early.  Seriously, we were due in Fayetteville fo for training by 8:00AM, which meant that we had to leave by 6:30 at the latest.  WHICH MEANS THAT WE LEFT AT 6AM!  That day was amazing, though.  Right after arriving I was able to get on my bike and go for a 20 mile ride with some great teammates.  After lunch, we were taught skillz that we will certainly need in order to be better cyclists (skills like slaloming, quick braking, and they even had us literally hug each other while simultaneously riding in circles [to teach us to not be afraid to ride close to each other.])

We then had an amazing dinner, had an informative Q&A session with our coaches, and then I went to bed around 10:45.  Turns out that I'm not accustomed to sleeping outside, and after a not-entirely-restful night of sleep I got to wake up at 6AM so that we could be wheels down by 7.

I finally got to really see what my bike could do, and had an amazing 30 mile ride.  We made it back, took showers, and then drove back to Austin.  I slept better that night than I can remember ever sleeping before.


November 18:  First hardcore team ride

Once again, I had the honor and privilege of waking up before 6 so that I could ride my bike around Austin. And by "around Austin," what I really mean is "we rode our bikes miles outside of Austin and I had no idea where we were most of the time."  For some reason, these people have some belief that I might actually know what I am doing on a bicycle.  I don't get it, but they do.

I was assigned to lead my six person group on a 36 mile training ride, which was longer than most of us had ever ridden before.  I had turn by turn instructions, but that didn't stop me from getting us lost and tacking on 4 "bonus" miles to the trip.  We made it back, eventually.  I was on such a high when I made it home that I could hardly stop talking about it to my roommate/sister, but as soon as she left to take her dog on a walk I collapsed in bed just as my body started reminding me about every little bump I went over.  I'm already sore, but I'm so pumped about riding some more this week.

I can't believe how much is happening! We are supposed to train for 1,500 miles before we can leave for Alaska, and I passed my 100 mark today!

135 miles down, 1,365 to go.

205 Days (Training Begins . . . How Awesome Is That!?!)

After last week’s Debbie Downer of a blog post, I thought that I would share the positives in my life this past week.  This past Saturday, the third of November, Texas 4000 had their first team ride.  It wasn’t anything too difficult for anybody, and we even broke into our different skill levels (i.e. who could clip in and who still needed to learn.)  My bicycle computer now has 31 miles logged!  That’s 31 miles closer to our training minimum of 1,500 training miles.  You know what that means?  It means that I will ride closer to 6,000 miles by the time we arrive in Anchorage.  AND we leave for Fayetteville at 6:30 in the morning on November 10 to have a training camp.  We have will ride a minimum of 60 miles this weekend, and will likely ride more like 90.  It’s going to be hard, but we have each other for support, and I draw comfort from this.

213 Days (How Will I Train to Ride to Alaska While Planning a Wedding in Another City?)

I have an anxiety disorder.

I am currently seeking treatment for this disorder and am, in fact, writing this post from the waiting room at my therapist's office.  The disorder that I have is called "trichotillomania," and it is marked by the pulling-out of hair as a response to anxiety situations.  While some people jog, watch TV, bite their nails, and eat when they feel anxious . . . I play with and pull out my hair.  I'm not proud of it, and I even feel shame and anxiety admitting it "out loud" (albeit, it written form.)

I thought that it would be a brilliant idea for me to take enough classes this semester so that I would only have to take nine hours my final semester at UT.  I thought that fifteen hours on campus, three hours online, ten to twelve hours working, and weekly meetings and workouts would be no problem.  I can learn to be organized, right?  When I registered for these classes six months ago, I hadn't realized that I would be engaged throughout my Fall semester and have the need to plan a wedding.  Kudos to James for making it a surprise, because I have wanted this for so long that I didn't think that I would be surprised when he proposed to me.  Here I am, the end of October, and I finally realized that I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Rather than spit out any of the commitments that I have made, I think that I may just gnaw on them a while until they are a nice mushy texture that I can swallow.  It's going to feel overwhelming for a little while, but eventually I'll be able to accomplish what I set out to.  Planning our wedding won't be easy and I have finally realized that I need James' help to do so.  I am finally realizing the strength of my support network, and with this network and a little extra help from my therapist I think that I just might make it through this semester in one piece.

226 Days (And I Now Have A Bike)

What should I name it?  Or shall it remain nameless?

227 Days (Being Sick Tends to Put a Wrench in Things)

Texas 4000, school, volunteer, plan a wedding, train, work, hulu, sleep. . . this is how my life is prioritized right now.  The act of scheduling activities is a concept that is fairly new to me because, up until now, I have never had many activities to schedule.  While I see people around me who are able to successfully juggle multiple commitments, I feel like I am failing to give each activity the attention that it is due.  Between eighteen hours of classes, twelve hours of work, getting fit for the ride, and volunteering each week, I neglected to give myself any time to be sick.  Here I am, in the middle of my busiest day of the week, and can't stop coughing or sneezing.  I couldn't go to the optional workout this morning because I was still groggy from the nyquil, and I can't work tonight because I might get others sick as well.  It would have been nice to make some decent happy-hour tips at The Cactus, but I could look at it "glass half-full" and say that this gives me more time to study for my exam tomorrow morning.

My moment of sunshine comes when I think about the enormous amount of social and financial support I have received from friends and family while fundraising for the ride.  I am so happy to report that I am well over the minimum amount that we are required to raise and, as of five minutes ago, y'all have generously contributed $5,027.75 in the fight against cancer!  I decided to raise my goal from $6,000 to $8,000, and will continue to write letters and panhandle until all resources have been exhausted (which means that I will be raising until we hop on our bikes next June.)

Texas 4000, as you can see, is what I consider to be one of the highest priority items in my life right now.  Today I am sick, but tomorrow I get to go to Jack and Adam's to pick up my bike.  I am going to get well, jump on that bike, and ride to Alaska.

233 Days (Or How Funny I Look When I'm Trying Not To Cry)