153 Days (Love Has a Way of Invigorating my Soul)

Christmas is my favorite holiday.  My birthday is and always has been on the 17th of December and, as most Christmas babies will attest, this proximity to such a national holiday can either leave a bitter or a sweet taste in the mouth of the birthday experiencer.  I am happy to report that my parents have always been hyper-vigilant around the holiday season to ensure that my birthday does not get forgotten during such a big holiday season, and because of this I have always loved Christmas.  Maybe it's the double presents that I have always received within a week of each other, maybe it's the fact that James' and my first date was the day before my birthday so he has always lavished gifts on me during a week-and-a-half period, or maybe it's just the smell of pine in every home.  I love Christmas, I love the relaxation, and I am so pleased to be able to spend these past two weeks relaxing with loved ones.

Just like last week, I have been having a hard time getting motivated to hop on my bike and train for the ride.  Within minutes of my last post being published, I received a text from a 2011 Texas 4000 alumnus with suggestions for people that I could ride with during the week.  While I did not end up contacting any of them, his support and quick reaction gave me a much-needed boost to ride around the city.  My first ride was a dud; I filled up my water bottles but forgot them at home.  I had asked James to bring his bicycle to Houston, though, so I had a companion for my second ride that break!  We rode a glorious 30 miles together and, although it wasn't the farthest I've ever gone, it was one of my favorite rides so far.  Something about being around the man that I love has that effect on me; he turns normal situations into my favorite, he's able to motivate me beyond my abilities, and I'm just happier whenever I'm around him.

I'm keeping James company this week in Iraan, TX because he is on call this weekend and we wanted to spend time together while I'm not in school.  It's cold here, and there's not a whole lot to do, but I can't help but be excited that next year we will be having our own Christmas together, in this house, in Iraan.  He was able to get me on the bike to go for a short ride this afternoon, and I have a feeling that we will be doing many more rides together in the coming months and years.

165 Days (Motivation can be Hard)

Earlier this year I promised that I would write at least one blog entry per week, but sometimes life gets too busy even for this.  Every few days I would sit at my computer and think to myself, “I need to write today,” and yet each day some other task took priority over this one.  I had three exams and a paper the first week in December, and last week was the beginning of finals week (which, as most people are aware, can be fairly stressful.)  While final exams at the University of Texas don’t officially end until today, I was fortunate enough to have my last exam this past Saturday at 9AM.

Texas 4000 knows how busy students get, and understand the priority that our education takes in our lives.  To encourage us to spend more time studying and to not worry so much about our organizational commitments, they decided that our last required official team training ride would be on December 1, and our last meeting on the 6^th.  I was thinking about this fact yesterday, and I realized that I had not been on a training ride since that official one two weeks ago.  That’s two weeks that my bicycle has sat in my living room gathering dust, two weeks for my muscles to degenerate from lack of use, and two weeks to feel lost without a cause.  I brought my bicycle to Houston so that I could train on it here, but it’s incredibly difficult to find motivation to go on a 20 mile solo ride around the city.  I thrive on companionship and have been unable to wake up at a reasonable hour knowing that my ride will be alone.  It’s something that I need to work on, I know, but I don’t think that humans were designed to go on long bicycle rides alone!

186 Days (So Thankful)

Thanksgiving is my fourth favorite holiday, right after my birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

My family likes to do Thanksgiving big.  Over the last ten years we have tried to always have guests at our table who are not from the United States so that they can experience the love that we feel, and we also like to each invite one or two friends as well.  This means that our dinners have always been an ordeal.

I have noticed in the past that my Mom gets tired of all of the sweat and blood that goes into cooking for such a large party, and thought nothing of it because I still got to eat the fruits of her labor.  She actually threatened us last year with no feast, so my sisters and I chipped in to make the dinner instead.  This year was different.  For whatever reason, my sisters and I (mostly Anna) decided to really be proactive about Thanksgiving so that Mom wouldn't feel bogged down by the end of it.  Anna and my mom prepared most of the food two days early so that there wouldn't be a kitchen frenzy on Thursday, and Erin (my oldest sister and roommate here in Austin) decided that we should all eat in a charming backyard setting.  It was magical, and maybe our best Thanksgiving yet.

Even our "thankful for" speeches were top notch.  One guest was thankful that he could finally rest after retirement, a sister was thankful for job opportunities, Mom was thankful that we could all be a family.  While I listened to the people in front of me list all that they were grateful for this past year, I realized just how amazing my year has been.  I have made some of the best friends of my life in Texas 4000, I am planning my wedding with my college sweetheart/love of my life, and I have my health.  So many thoughts went through my head at that time, and while I can't remember all of the nuances that I felt while trying to decide what to say, I do know that I decided to "officially" be thankful that I, along with most of my close friends and family, have my health.  Texas 4000 continues to expose me to the pain that people suffer as a result of cancer, and I am so grateful that I don't have to feel this pain right now.  The prevalence of cancer means that it is incredibly likely that five of the people at our table will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime, but for now we are healthy and able to sit together on my fourth favorite holiday.

194 Days (Everything Hurts)

So much training has happened these last two weekends.

November 10-11:  Training camp in Fayetteville, TX

While it is certainly true that I am learning more about cycling than I have ever known before, I think that these last two weeks have best taught me how to wake up early.  Seriously, we were due in Fayetteville fo for training by 8:00AM, which meant that we had to leave by 6:30 at the latest.  WHICH MEANS THAT WE LEFT AT 6AM!  That day was amazing, though.  Right after arriving I was able to get on my bike and go for a 20 mile ride with some great teammates.  After lunch, we were taught skillz that we will certainly need in order to be better cyclists (skills like slaloming, quick braking, and they even had us literally hug each other while simultaneously riding in circles [to teach us to not be afraid to ride close to each other.])

We then had an amazing dinner, had an informative Q&A session with our coaches, and then I went to bed around 10:45.  Turns out that I'm not accustomed to sleeping outside, and after a not-entirely-restful night of sleep I got to wake up at 6AM so that we could be wheels down by 7.

I finally got to really see what my bike could do, and had an amazing 30 mile ride.  We made it back, took showers, and then drove back to Austin.  I slept better that night than I can remember ever sleeping before.


November 18:  First hardcore team ride

Once again, I had the honor and privilege of waking up before 6 so that I could ride my bike around Austin. And by "around Austin," what I really mean is "we rode our bikes miles outside of Austin and I had no idea where we were most of the time."  For some reason, these people have some belief that I might actually know what I am doing on a bicycle.  I don't get it, but they do.

I was assigned to lead my six person group on a 36 mile training ride, which was longer than most of us had ever ridden before.  I had turn by turn instructions, but that didn't stop me from getting us lost and tacking on 4 "bonus" miles to the trip.  We made it back, eventually.  I was on such a high when I made it home that I could hardly stop talking about it to my roommate/sister, but as soon as she left to take her dog on a walk I collapsed in bed just as my body started reminding me about every little bump I went over.  I'm already sore, but I'm so pumped about riding some more this week.

I can't believe how much is happening! We are supposed to train for 1,500 miles before we can leave for Alaska, and I passed my 100 mark today!

135 miles down, 1,365 to go.

205 Days (Training Begins . . . How Awesome Is That!?!)

After last week’s Debbie Downer of a blog post, I thought that I would share the positives in my life this past week.  This past Saturday, the third of November, Texas 4000 had their first team ride.  It wasn’t anything too difficult for anybody, and we even broke into our different skill levels (i.e. who could clip in and who still needed to learn.)  My bicycle computer now has 31 miles logged!  That’s 31 miles closer to our training minimum of 1,500 training miles.  You know what that means?  It means that I will ride closer to 6,000 miles by the time we arrive in Anchorage.  AND we leave for Fayetteville at 6:30 in the morning on November 10 to have a training camp.  We have will ride a minimum of 60 miles this weekend, and will likely ride more like 90.  It’s going to be hard, but we have each other for support, and I draw comfort from this.

213 Days (How Will I Train to Ride to Alaska While Planning a Wedding in Another City?)

I have an anxiety disorder.

I am currently seeking treatment for this disorder and am, in fact, writing this post from the waiting room at my therapist's office.  The disorder that I have is called "trichotillomania," and it is marked by the pulling-out of hair as a response to anxiety situations.  While some people jog, watch TV, bite their nails, and eat when they feel anxious . . . I play with and pull out my hair.  I'm not proud of it, and I even feel shame and anxiety admitting it "out loud" (albeit, it written form.)

I thought that it would be a brilliant idea for me to take enough classes this semester so that I would only have to take nine hours my final semester at UT.  I thought that fifteen hours on campus, three hours online, ten to twelve hours working, and weekly meetings and workouts would be no problem.  I can learn to be organized, right?  When I registered for these classes six months ago, I hadn't realized that I would be engaged throughout my Fall semester and have the need to plan a wedding.  Kudos to James for making it a surprise, because I have wanted this for so long that I didn't think that I would be surprised when he proposed to me.  Here I am, the end of October, and I finally realized that I have bitten off more than I can chew.

Rather than spit out any of the commitments that I have made, I think that I may just gnaw on them a while until they are a nice mushy texture that I can swallow.  It's going to feel overwhelming for a little while, but eventually I'll be able to accomplish what I set out to.  Planning our wedding won't be easy and I have finally realized that I need James' help to do so.  I am finally realizing the strength of my support network, and with this network and a little extra help from my therapist I think that I just might make it through this semester in one piece.

226 Days (And I Now Have A Bike)

What should I name it?  Or shall it remain nameless?

227 Days (Being Sick Tends to Put a Wrench in Things)

Texas 4000, school, volunteer, plan a wedding, train, work, hulu, sleep. . . this is how my life is prioritized right now.  The act of scheduling activities is a concept that is fairly new to me because, up until now, I have never had many activities to schedule.  While I see people around me who are able to successfully juggle multiple commitments, I feel like I am failing to give each activity the attention that it is due.  Between eighteen hours of classes, twelve hours of work, getting fit for the ride, and volunteering each week, I neglected to give myself any time to be sick.  Here I am, in the middle of my busiest day of the week, and can't stop coughing or sneezing.  I couldn't go to the optional workout this morning because I was still groggy from the nyquil, and I can't work tonight because I might get others sick as well.  It would have been nice to make some decent happy-hour tips at The Cactus, but I could look at it "glass half-full" and say that this gives me more time to study for my exam tomorrow morning.

My moment of sunshine comes when I think about the enormous amount of social and financial support I have received from friends and family while fundraising for the ride.  I am so happy to report that I am well over the minimum amount that we are required to raise and, as of five minutes ago, y'all have generously contributed $5,027.75 in the fight against cancer!  I decided to raise my goal from $6,000 to $8,000, and will continue to write letters and panhandle until all resources have been exhausted (which means that I will be raising until we hop on our bikes next June.)

Texas 4000, as you can see, is what I consider to be one of the highest priority items in my life right now.  Today I am sick, but tomorrow I get to go to Jack and Adam's to pick up my bike.  I am going to get well, jump on that bike, and ride to Alaska.

233 Days (Or How Funny I Look When I'm Trying Not To Cry)

241 Days (Or How Great It Feels To Have Good News)

If you read my last blog post then you are probably aware of how disheartening of an experience I had getting my first physical exam last Tuesday.  If you carefully read the sentence that I just wrote, you'll notice that I used the word "first" to describe the experience.  I am happy to report to you, my dear reader, that my unhappiness with Dr. List's recommendation did not sour the whole week.

We have been recruiting for the 2014 team over the past month and, with applications due this past Friday, we had one last big push to get applications in last week.  I was scheduled to table in front of the gym on campus with Gilpreet, my dear friend and teammate, and she encouraged me to make an appointment at a clinic by campus.  When I realized that I had left my cell phone at home, she generously offered to let me use hers to call and schedule the physical.  After making the appointment, Gil and I walked together to the library so that I could print off the medical history form that needed the doctor's signature and was to be due October 1.  When I searched through my bag and couldn't find my printer card, Gil loaned me hers.  Not only did I leave the insignificant printer card and my cell at home, but I also left my incredibly important ID, cash, and debit cards at home as well.  Hope was not lost, though, because I had tips at The Cactus from my shift the night before.  Gil generously offered to loan me $20 to add to my tips so that I could afford the physical.  I went to the office, and was out in 15 minutes!  I know that this will probably be the last time I compare anything related to Texas 4000 to a "spa," but it really was the most pleasant experience I have ever had in a doctor's office in my life. . . even better than when I used to get lollipops for being a good patient.

I have my suspicions that training is going to kick into high gear this week (read: bikes), so let the spa times end and life begin.  Life isn't a spa, and training for the next 241 days will be a piece of cake compared to the 70 days that will follow.

248 Days (Or How Out-Of-Shape I Really Am, And The Implications Thereof)

One of the things that Texas 4000 is really good at is getting us in shape.  Unfortunately for me, we've really taken off running for this whole "fitness" thing.

Three weeks ago we had a fitness 5K test to assess where we are currently and how far we have to go to get ready for our long bike ride.  I ran a twelve minute mile, barely made it to the end, and almost passed out because I didn't actually do the whole "training" thing for the run.  Still, I was proud that I made it and I'm aware of how far I have to go and how hard I'll have to train before June 1.

Before we are allowed to hop on a bike and train for real with the team we have to have a doctor give us a physical and sign us off on it.  I filled out the pre-visit questionnaire honestly; I told them about how winded I get when I exercise, how my grandfather has had at least one heart attack, and about that time in middle school when I thought it would be fun to "do yoga" in the mud and ended up popping my knee out of place.  I wasn't worried about the physical, because I'm a fit person.  I walk to and from class, I was able to conquer biking up the big hill near my house (with struggles, but still), and I was actually able to finish the fitness 5K.

The doctor, however, did not see things that way.  He saw my family history of heart attacks and gave me an EKG, he read that I get winded while exercising and ordered a Pulmonary Functions Test with fitness challenge to see if I have "exercise induced asthma," and he saw that I popped my knee out of place and ordered that I do some strengthening exercises.  He told me that he wouldn't feel comfortable approving me for Texas 4000 because the fitness level is "high school/college level" and I'm "in Pre-K."  He said that "it would be like trying to climb Mt. Everest without being able to climb the hill in the backyard."  Well I've climbed that hill, and I'm going to train for Everest.  It's not going to be easy, but I always knew that Texas 4000 would be hard.  It is going to take dedication and training, and I am eager and willing to put forth that effort.  I am working on scheduling my PFT, I will begin with my knee exercises tonight, and I'm going to leave for Alaska in 248 days.

261 Days (Or The Prevalence Of Cancer)

I wish that life was always happy and, by extension, I would never tear up when writing a blog post.  Unfortunately it has been one of those weeks where sadness crept in, and I have felt helpless to do anything about it.  Being a part of Texas 4000 has made me more aware of the prevalence that cancer has on, not just the macro level, but how my friends, family, and everybody that I meet tells me a story about a friend or a loved one who has battled or is currently battling cancer.

We are currently recruiting for the 2014 ride year, and so I spend a lot of time in my jersey talking to students about the ride and encouraging them to apply.  When I was walking out of a cafe after having coffee with a friend somebody commented "nice shirt!"  After giving him a polite "thank you" and turning to walk away, he began to tell me about his Dad who passed away a while ago from lung cancer and how grateful he is that students are willing to bike for 70 days to raise money for cancer research.  I noticed a pack of nicorette gum next to him on the table, and he told me that he is only just now quitting.

A little over two weeks ago I saw a Facebook status update on a friend's wall telling us (all 759 of her friends) that her mom was recently moved into hospice care.  This broke my heart because I remembered how hopeless I felt when David was in hospice, because it means the end.  It means that there is nothing else you can do to fight.  After reading through her old updates, I learned that her mom was diagnosed with colon cancer two years ago and has been battling it all this time.  It pained me that somebody my age was losing a mother, and I was also distraught to realize that I was blind to her pain until it was almost too late.  I messaged Darienne and told her about Texas 4000, asked if I could dedicate my summer to her Mom, and I received a response yesterday that made me cry.

"I would be absolutely honored if you rode in my Mom's memory (if you didn't see the status, she passed early Monday morning). Her name was Merrell Charlton Nicholas. Keep me updated on your ride and let me know when I can start signal boosting your fundraising in her name. 

Thank you so much, Hilary. Really."

I absolutely dedicate my ride to Merrell Charlton Nicholas.  I dedicate my ride to David Leslie Newman, James' dad, and I dedicate the summer to my grandmothers on both sides.  I dedicate my ride to Deborah Globe, Ken and Nona Maultsby, Lucila Patton, Oliver Claassen, Edith Jacobs, and Frances Allen.  I dedicate the ride to Kim Loftin, Barbara English, Patti Batis, and Mike McJilton.  I dedicate my ride to grandmothers, grandfathers, moms, dads, and children who all passed away after battling cancer.  I hope that we are able to find a cure for cancer tomorrow, because I am heartbroken by how prevalent it is today.

267 Days (Or How I Plan To Contribute to my Fundraising)

I still love deadlines.  The first fundraising deadline was this past Monday, and I am so grateful and happy to say that it has been far surpassed.  As of 7:00PM on September 3, 2012, $2,905 has been donated to cancer research in support of my personal Texas 4000 requirement and goal.  Thank you so much to my friends, family, and loved ones for helping make this goal attainable, and I am pleased to say that the second and third deadlines have been surpassed as well!  As much as I love having incentives to fundraise, it could be tempting to just stop the hard work once the pressure is off.  I will not do this.  

One of the ways Texas 4000 encourages us to raise money is by panhandling on the busiest street corners in Austin.  The idea is simple: panhandling on a regular basis gets the message out to the community and shows how devoted you are to funding cancer research.  I have never been super comfortable with this method, because my parents taught me that it was always more fulfilling to work for your goals than to just have them handed to you.  Arguments could be made saying that panhandling is more work than simply sending out letters to my loved ones . . . I mean, come on, it’s Austin in the summer.  But I see my parent’s point.  In high school my sisters and I were encouraged to babysit more if we wanted to go on church retreats or mission trips.  The biblical term they used was “tentmaking.”  Regardless of anybody’s religion, this method is a good one.  We shouldn’t do something only because our parents want us to do it, we should help make it happen.  I want to help make this happen, which is why I have decided to donate my tips at least once a week for the next four months to my fundraising.  The way I calculate it, I will raise at least $800 to donate to MD Anderson, the UT Biomedical Engineering Department, and Cancer Survivorship programs at LIVESTRONG that I would normally use to buy “fun” stuff like meals away from home and that new pair of sandals I’ve wanted.  You know what else is fun?  Bringing hope, knowledge, and charity from Austin to Alaska and beyond.

274 Days (Or The Importance of Deadlines)

I’m a procrastinator.  I always have been and, in all likelihood, I always will be.  The thing about procrastinators is that we do get the work done, and we get it done just before the due date.

I am grateful that Texas 4000 has deadlines for this reason.  Not only do they have deadlines, but they’re also hard deadlines.  Soft deadlines shouldn’t exist, because they basically negate the due date.  A hard deadline though?  That’s non-negotiable.  Our first deadline was to have a certain number of volunteer hours, and I loved that because it meant that we had to spend our Saturday mornings working at triathlons getting to know our teammates.  I am grateful, because I have more friends now than I thought I could by this point in the game.

The biggest upcoming deadline so far is on September 3.  On that date we are required to have fundraised $1,000, and without this deadline I likely wouldn’t have sent out the first round of letters already.  What if we haven’t raised $1,000 by this deadline?  We don’t get our bikes.  Well that was incentive enough for me, and I am grateful for the outpouring of support I have received from those who have received something so far.  What’s the next deadline?  That 5K I mentioned last post.  Now if only I could scare myself into running every day . . . 

293 Days (Or How Overwhelming This Next Year Will Be)

In case y'all haven't figured it out already, the name of each post refers to the number of days from now until we leave for a summer of riding.  If my math calculates correctly, one blog entry per week means that I have approximately 41 blog entries to go until June 1, 2013. Knowing me, I'll let other things take priority over updating this blog, but a girl can dream.

Since James proposed back in June, I have been trying to decide what the date of our wedding should be.  When discussing it together we take into account the football season (very Texas), nearby holidays, and our friends' school schedules.  I know it's going to be impossible for everybody to come, heck I might even want to pick a date in the middle of the week just so that nobody will be able to make it, but for now the date that seems most inviting to all of our stipulations is September 1, 2013.  Yes, it's labor day weekend and yes, it's a Sunday, but there's no game on a Sunday and our friends would have that Monday to make it home in time for school.  I have a hard time believing it, but from now until that tentative date there are only 385 days until James and I are getting married.  That's 92 days after we leave for Anchorage, and it's three weeks after we arrive in Anchorage.  I can't help but contemplate pushing the date back another week just so that I can have a full month to prepare, but I think that I'll be ready by then.

There are a number of deadlines with Texas 4000 which are used to keep everybody on track both with regard to physical exercise and fundraising.  Two of these deadlines are quickly approaching, and my anxiety ridden personality are having a hard time coping with this.  The most important of these deadlines is the fundraising one: we are each supposed to raise $1,000 dollars by September 3.  September 3 is in 22 days, and at 35% I can't help but be a little bit worried about it.  The next big deadline is a fitness one.  We're each supposed to be able to run a 5K in a few weeks.  This is something that is well in my control, but it's been hard for me to motivate myself to run.  I have made it 2.5 miles so far at a 12 minute pace, but hopefully with some grit and determination I will improve that time.

The enormity of these months seems to grow with every day, but through teamwork and determination I'm sure it'll all work out.  Here's to the next 293 days!

300 Days (Or My Blogging Goal)

I am a relatively private person and it has been fairly hard to get into the habit of blogging regularly (hence the five month break from the last one), but I really am going to make a genuine effort to make this at least a fortnightly event.

The last 158 days have been life changing so far, and I'm sure that this trend will only continue during the next 300.  The big life changing terrifying amazing wonderful thing that happened to me on June 9, 2012 is that James Everett Newman, the love of my life and the person who inspired me to ride 4,500 miles to raise money for cancer research, proposed marriage to me during an unbelievably romantic picnic dinner in his Houston Heights neighborhood.  We had been dating for 5 years, 5 months, and 24 days and he had just the week before convinced me that he wouldn't be proposing any day soon, so it was a completely wonderful surprise for me.

We'll be getting married as soon after next ride summer as possible.  This means that in the next 300 days I have to train for a 4,500+ mile bike ride AND completely plan a wedding.  The stress has started to get to me, but hopefully a little endorphin releasing exercise will keep that in check.  Here's to the next 300 days!

458 Days (Archived from Texas 4000 Website)

When I first heard about the Texas 4000, I thought to myself that there was no way I could ever do that and those people were nuts. I mean, a sane person would not ride their bike from Austin to Anchorage for selfless reasons, and if the reasoning was selfish than they must be crazy.

James Everett Newman is an amazing and wonderful person, and I ride for his dad, David. James and I have been dating for 1,901 days. I cannot imagine what the last five years would have been like without him egging me on, because my life would be completely different. James convinced me to do well in high school, apply three times to the University of Texas, get a job at the Cactus Cafe, and apply for T4K. David was a wonderful caring and talented man. It's easy to look at James and see the love with which he was raised. David was diagnosed with kidney cancer in the summer of 2010.

James and I were lucky enough to be invited by a 2011 rider, who dedicated some of his ride to David, to attend the Tribute this past fall. I cried the whole time. I thought about the pain suffered by the too-many people struggling with cancer, and their families. I hinted to James that I was considering applying to be on the 2013 team and he encouraged me with everything he had. It was around this time when I realized that sometimes I just needed to cry. I cried every time I rewrote my application, and every time James edited it for me. I cried when I found out that I got an interview, and I cried when I got my acceptance call. I cried in front of 90+ people when I talked about Why I Ride. I cry when I hear other Why I Rides, because I can't help but relate.

I cried when I heard about Ruel, who I was not able to meet. I don't believe that anybody's pain is the same. When I sat in the large group meeting this past Monday and cried for Ruel while listening to stories from his teammates it was because I remember being with James, Gail, David, and countless visitors after David went into hospice.

I've cried a lot in the last 296 days, and I'm sure that I'll cry a whole lot more. Call me crazy, but in 458 days I am hopping on my bike and riding from Austin to Anchorage to spread Hope, Knowledge, and Charity along the way.